If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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