I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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