I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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