just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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