wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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