Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
