god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize