I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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