do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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