I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
