I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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