I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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