hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
