remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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