The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
