In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
