the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
