Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
4 words: hood of his car
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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