Well apparently he's into motor boating.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
