i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
