I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
