Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
as a side note pls kill me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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