You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
