There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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