Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
smell my finger.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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