The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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