Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
