i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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