i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
