So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i love accidental penises.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
