I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
