just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
