Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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