No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
