your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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