Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize