i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
