Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize