i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
