I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Congratulations! We have a period
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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