oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
