:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
