I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
