i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
