Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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