Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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