I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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