You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
