She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
