So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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