Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
