You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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