dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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