Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
