Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
