i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
