What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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