if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
