Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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