The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize