I am spending my child support on dildos
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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