Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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