Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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