I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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