I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize