its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
