oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
