My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize