just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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