i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
