If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
