I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
