She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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