My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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