dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need water and some morals
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
