turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
