What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she told me i tasted like america
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
